eye spy with my little eye..

a shamefully neglected blog spot :) but so much has been going on recently, fortunately, i'm lucky enough to now be able to look back & laugh :) & im happy.. real happy.
..apart from a few things, but if i didn't have something in particular to moan about it's guaranteed i'd try & pick at perfect things anyway :D i don't have to much to put in this ..
but it's funny how when i neglect my blogspot :) so do u..
says it all doesn't it? :)

LAAAVVV U:D

'Seems like street lights..

..glowing. Happened to be just like moments, passing, in front of me. So i hopped into the cab and I paid my fare, see, i know my destination, but i'm just not there'

Nothing's gonna change if nobody's going to wake up!
I can see people changing right in front of me, even left right and centre, and at the moment, i'm just going to enjoy the summer :) and hope for the best when i get back. Right now I have friends to cocentrate on, but to the others that are false enough to fire out 'advice' to people via their blogs, and 'instant messenger' names and personal messages - well seriously, either fuck yourself or keep your shit to yourself :)
I'm looking forward to getting away from the drama I've helped create this year already, and no longer will it exsist from this day forward - the first day of Summer :D I dread year 10 for the work that follows with it, but I'm looking forward to being with those I love :) & as for this summer.. well.. roll on :D

'a dying scream makes no sound'

'Catch the wheel, that breaks the butterfly. I cried the rain, that filled the ocean wide. I tried to talk with God.. to no avail. Calling him, in and out of. Nowhere. I said, 'if you won't save me, please don't waste my time.'

You know nothing, you think you're so mature, so big, so cool. You bring your family into things, you've dragged them through hell and back. You caused this. Yes i want to make a change, but how do I change when every little tiny thing you write, or say, or do irritates me to the point of no return!

'We live a dying dream, if you know what i mean. All that i've ever known. It's all that i've ever known. Time will kiss, kiss the world goodbye.. Just falling down, on all I've ever known.'

FOR THE RECORD - I HATE YOU TO. YOU'RE EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DESPISED. and like you once said about someone you consider a friend to you 'you're also everything i hate all in one person'. I said i should take a fair share of my blame, but you started this little game you're playing. And well, now, it is game over. & I really wish you all the best, as you're firing out the 'good lucks' left right & centre darlin.

'slip inside the eye of your mind'

'Don't you know you might find a better place to play. You said that you'd never been, but all the things that you've seen.. will slowly fade away. So i start a revolution from my bed, 'cos you said the brains i had went to my head. Step outside, summertime's in bloom! Stand up beside the fireplace, take that look from off your face.. 'cos you ain't ever gonna burn my heart out.'

You know, i've read a lot of things people have had to say recently, and I've seen different sides to people - I've just realised how fake people have been at school! Even the ones I would consider to be my 'friends'. Someone just said to me not so long ago, 'like one day you can walk into school and everyones happy and the next its like a WW3!' - No truer words have been spoken this week. I was none the wiser to my actions - towards people - towards others. I mis-judged people, everything people have said recently has been mis-construde. I've been easily led & i've forgotten about the people that really have been there for me recently, since I had all my troubles to! This summer, I'm hoping for a change. I'm hoping to grow up. I'm hoping to find myself, in the chaos I think i let myself go & lost who I really was. It seems so easy to take the blame and place it on one person, when really I should be taking my own share, as should others. I think it's about time i made a change. For myself. Not for you. But for my friends, I'll still do anything. But now? It's the .. 'i'll do anything for you, within reason'.

don't upset the rhythm..

WHY? question of the day, and a bledy rhetorical question at that. I don't understand you? You make it so bad for yourself & then it's 'us' that get the blame for the stuff you bring up. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has seen your true colours now, & not one single person likes them. You're like one of those diseases, almost like A.I.D.S you just don't go away once you're here do you! I know you read my posts:) This is why I left the URL on my bebo darlin.. These posts, so relevant. Your posts? Irrelivant. You? IRRELIVANT.
- right, completely winged out now :) but this blog post.. woooooo.

aimed at my baaaaaby! :) savanna grace fissler, i love you so much. our memories are completely undescribeable, and you cannot/will not/neverrrrrr be replaced:) you're actually my other half. You make me feel like life is actually worth living when I just wna give up & there's absolutely nothing that you don't know about me. My life is practically on the back of your hand, and you've been there for me a lifetime.. you've kept me together, pulled me together & glued my heart together. You look out for me, like a bodyguard, you say the right things, when i need someone to tell me something - you NEVER lie to me, you NEVER keep things from me, you NEVER hurt me, and we hardly ever fall out. Blood couldn't even make us closer, I owe you so much, but I've got you for the rest of my life - I know that the future isn't set in stone or anything, but in all honesty, I wanna plan part of mine out - and as long as you're in it, then I don't care where I go, what I do, or who I'm with :) as long as it's you - you're the most amazing person on earth & the memories/pictures/boards/notes/texts/blogs(bebo.. etc)/songs/tearful moments/giggles/farts/burps/illnesses/skanky things we do - are always in my heart.. ALONG WITH U :)!

what we do in this life, echoes in eternity.

ohhh, the 'moany' me is back buddy :) - you know, recently, i've realised i've taken so many people for granted, and i've let so many little things tear me & others apart. Milllllllions of things people say are mis-construde and mis-understood. I have this one friend. I'd like to call her my best friend:) recently things have been awful :/ due to parents, problems, petty fall-outs. I've realised, a parent shouldn't stop a friendship, nor' should others become involved in a scenario that has nothing to do with them. Let it be catch 22, or just a sticky situation. Friends are just like the saying 'a Dog is for life, not just for Christmas'. As much as things hurt you, and others affect you, you can't let them ruin something you called so special before.
"I never wanted to be the one to say goodbye, or sit on the pavement, whilst someone else was flying in the sky!" I don't think you can make one person realise how much you care for them, or how much you really do want them to be around you - or even so much as how much you'de hate to lose them. It's for that person, how ever long be it, to realise it for themselves. And no-one else. I wish things didn't boil down to this - to lose the person you called your best friend, hurts. There's no other thing for it. But the memories last an absolute lifetime. And that person - is 'irreplaceable'. Forever.

m u s i c

is a saviour -there's nothing more inspiring than a song with meaningful lyrics. They make you think. They make you wish. They give you hope. They help you, and they help me. Music is such an important part of my life, I dare to wonder what I'd be like if I hadn't listened to all 3 of my iTunes in my lifetime.
Daft Punk - Technologic reminds me completely of 'stereo-typing' people, it's such a great song. Bit on the repetitive side, but well worth a listen. Although today my blog is off it's usual 'moany' topic, that would be because i'm a happpppppy girly :) I'm going through 3 days worth of drama, with my girlys, and i'm so beyond content :D it's great. And i owe it all to, Erin, Isabelle & Sophie! :)

today; just like tomorrow

Well, this year has been the best & worst fresh start life could of ever handed me, i've met some of the most amazing people I think I ever will .. and yet I've made the worst choices I think I've ever made. It's all so up & down. Like a rollercoaster - even like an avalanche. I debate whether I'm coming or going with certain people, but at the end of the day, you don't need a best friend to get you through school. And boy is that true:) The constant bitching behind closed doors, or even just when someone leaves a circle. It's crazy, almost terrifying. You just don't know whether it's because your actions trigger someone elses, or if people are working in sync behind each others' backs - it could be anything, but you always place the blame on yourself. Year 9 has definately been a great big reality check - It either makes or breaks people, and I think certain people this year have broken like an egg. For the best though, but the destruction they've left behind is just un-mendable. Like when you smash a vase, you paste the pieces back together, but they never quite fit. Well some people are well and truely broken because of the actions of one person. All i have left to say is, 'screw everybody else, stay true to yourself'. Never fake a friendship because of others, it's all about yourself - you are your own best friend.

love & hate

Get me out of here, 'cause my eyes are burning from these silly tears that you brought when you showed me you don't really care, & you never loved me; someone get me out of this place. - Esmee Denters - Outta Here

At the moment it's true, all I do want to do is get out of here. But my friends, they've showed me, that one person isn't worth all this destruction. It's ridiculous how one person can try and over-power everybody, but the thing is they can't. It's one of those things, you work at it, but in the end there's no succsession for trying to ruin somebodys life, thanks to a little thing called Karma. I try, I really do, to not take pleasure in peoples misery. But there comes a time when that's all you do really do, because that person has just caused you to self-destruct at some point, and there's only a certain 'low' you can reach. At the moment, the drama in these teenage years is horendous, but moving isn't really sensible, and dragging it out & on isn't much better - staying 'white as white' is al that can be done :) and that .. is what i have friends for. And right now, i'm not content.. but i'm alive.

Wow, What An Issue.

Look at this, i'm actually wondering what's happening to the girls around my age. I mean, models and run-way shows posted on the internet and programmes like BNTM (Britains Next Top Model) change the definition of 'pretty' for certain girls, but 'size 0' is absolutely insane! Why would anybody think that beauty is skin and bones, it's actually rather scary how girls view pictures like that. A pretty face and a nice complexion are two completely different things when in comparison to a picture like this. Whatever happened to just being natural? Clearly make-up has become compulsary due to the way us 'teenagers' tend to feel about spots and nasty skin, but this is disgusting. Arrrrg, purely annoying.

About Amber.

I'm Amber, a fourteen-year-old girly, from Bude, in Cornwall. You know i have no idea what to write here and as i'm new to this i spose i'll just babble haha! - Early 2009 this year was when i decided i was going to try and change for the better, but doesn't it seem like when you try and change yourself for the benefit of others, you lose yourself? Some way.. some how, it just happens doesn't it? Then you tend to shut yourself down:/ Well at the moment i'm one of those girls, but i've realised the one thing that i do have to escape to is my dancing, and i've also realised that i shouldn't let it go just because I struggle at one particular thing.